Reading: Matthew 18:15
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.
If they listen to you, you have won them over. "
"Am I in trouble?"
This was my wife Dianne's response to an offer to take her out for a milkshake.
She wasn't in trouble. Dianne had come home from a demanding day of assisting a class with kids with multiple disabilities, only to have the day become a burden as she battled the horrendous Friday afternoon traffic. I was simply trying to offer something as an encouragement, a.k.a., comfort food.
What Dianne was referring to was a little ritual that our family began when our children were young. When one of them was behaving in a persistently bad way or we needed to have a heart-to-heart talk about something major, I would invite them to McDonalds for a milk shake. It was generally a sign that they were in trouble.
We developed that method to make more palatible the need to have a confrontation over a problem that was being ignored. Some day I'll tell you some of the stories.
People hate confrontation and will do almost anything to avoid it. They will suffer in silence while they're anger grows. They will leave a relationship (or a church) that is precious to them. They will tell 100 other persons about the problem hoping someone else will handle it. They'll hire a lawyer.
Confrontation and conflict resolution is a vital skill in the Body of Christ. Avoidance or transference only drive us to be defensive instead of transparent. The unwillingness to confront and resolve is a sin before God because it destroys the unity of the Body.
That's why Jesus taught that we should be ready to confront in love - and first by going directly one-on-one to the person who has offended you or sinned against you.
(C) 2012 by Stephen Dunn
No comments:
Post a Comment